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Better Days

I tend to trick myself into having better days recently.  All it takes is for me to smile my way into a good mood.

Any time during the day when I seem to overthink or over-process life, I just smile.  It’s psychological, I know.  But it gives me comfort in thinking, “It’s okay.  It’s always been okay.  It will always be okay.  Relax.  Breathe.  Explore.  Live.  Enjoy.”

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〈〈♥Brianna, the Sunflower♥〉〉

I cried … A lot

Within the past few weeks, the only way I have been able to sleep has been crying myself to sleep.  And I mean, every night.

I feel like I’m running on a treadmill; sprinting for a finish line that I don’t see, nor do I know if it exist or not.  And as I’m running, I see everyone oh so calmly living their life all around me.

I had a dream the other night that I cut all my hair off and just moved out of the country without any thought or planning.  I just left.  I woke up and stared at the scissors that were on my dresser.  So instead, I dyed my hair green-blue so that it gave me the satisfaction of doing something different.

I’m trying, I am definitely trying to get through whatever phase this is in my life.  This is definitely a test from God, and I know it.  I just need him along the way.

〈〈♥Brianna, the Sunflower♥〉〉

Lost

My junior year of college was all about self-identity.  The newest lesson for my senior year was supposed to be self-understanding; understanding why I am who I am.  But I believe that I lost myself along the way.

I no longer take moments for myself; I no longer indulge in self-love.

Lately, I have been spiraling in confusion of trying…but trying for what?  I’m trying so hard for everything but yet trying so hard for nothing at all.

I’ve been a leaf during a tornado sitting still.

Finding self again is the must before I can find self-understanding I guess.

〈〈♥Brianna, the Sunflower♥〉〉